The Blog ^ @subhashi.tania

Dear sky, you who rise above all things seen and unseen you who hold the silence between stars and breath please carry this message for me wrap this secret in your clouds as it's delicate Tell him… That I know the shape of his absence the way a missing note belongs inside a song even before it is played My soul feels him  through every version of my becoming And if ever we meet… Let the moment be deep enough to echo through every lifetime I never lived Let it feel like two truths standing face to face after wandering through opposite ends of the universe finally recognizing they were never separate And in that moment let the universe lean in gently and whisper  “Now. You were always meant to find each other here.” - Subhashi Tania de Silva

  When I picked up The Inner Game of Tennis by Tim Gallwey, I expected a book about sports psychology. What I didn't expect was a book that would make me think about journalism, relationships, learning, creativity, and life itself. The funny thing is that you don't need to know anything about tennis to appreciate this book. In fact, the tennis court quickly becomes a metaphor for something much larger, the space inside our own minds. The central idea of the book is remarkably simple. Gallwey argues that performance is not just a matter of skill or talent. Instead, he offers a formula: Performance = Potential – Interference At first glance, it seems obvious. But the more I sat with it, the more profound it became. We live in a culture obsessed with improvement. We are constantly trying to add more, more knowledge, more experience, more qualifications, more productivity. Yet Gallwey asks a different question. What if the real challenge is not adding something new, but removing w...

God the veins on your hands look like soft branching rivers I notice it without meaning to In the same way the brain notices danger before language arrives Automatic.  And I wonder if psychology has a name for this this quiet distortion of focus when beauty becomes data and data becomes feeling. Then your voice happens. You say my name. And something in my nervous system misbehaves. A glitch of chemistry dopamine maybe or something softer science hasn’t named properly yet Chills run through me like my body is trying to confirm that I am still inside myself Still here. It is almost funny In class I learn about attachment theory about reward pathways about how the brain builds meaning from repetition and attention But none of it explains why one person can feel like a signal that interrupts every system I built to stay balanced. So I sit there, diagnosed by my own attention That somehow you became both the subject and the experiment in the same breath I use to think about you. - Subh...

that Saturday we became eternal Yes, I am that girl who loves the insane, dramatic kind of love the kind where feminine and masculine energies collide just by locking eyes. The clingy, “cringe-but-not-really” intimacy is my favourite where you can catch their scent simply by being near the things they used, especially their clothes… and you delay washing the places they touched because their presence still lives there. I love that look that moment when your eyes meet and you both laugh without saying a word, as if the joke travelled telepathically between two souls. And oh to make soup together on a random Saturday afternoon, your hands wrapped around me, sipping warmth and love at the same time that is the kind of intimacy I live for. -Subhashi Tania de Silva

I meet my own longing again You are a mirror shows me how much I ache to be understood how much of me is still unfolding In the next life I will not hesitate I will find you and sit beside you without walls or wounds between us If you ask me What changed in five years I’ll tell you Once, pain came like thunder and I stood in the storm, frozen for a whole day Now, pain still comes but I open the window let it rain let it weep with me and then I breathe it out like incense from a temple This is how I’ve changed I still feel everything But now I let it pass through me instead of becoming me - Subhashi Tania de Silva

I am scared to overlove you in a way that might harm you So I choose silence I choose to observe you from a distance I choose to let be My ego begs me to check in to reach out but what truly matters is that you are surrounded by the ones your soul attracts those who make your eyes light up without trying And still I ask the universe why did it make you blind to my open heart overflowing with a love so deep Why does it let me drown in the very sea I built to keep you warm?  - Subhashi Tania de Silva